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by Stefan Urankar
Welcome House People!
What matters in the house this month? First of all, some reactions
to my last column: You remember, I told you something about that
bad ghost who is responsible for all that ugly and unfunky music
in this world. Now I know that the UNFUNK is not just a phantom,
he/she/it (?) does really exist. I received an email from a person
called Jack(!) who offered me some records from my search list.
The only question he asked me was how much I would pay for it.
Besides this impudent presentation he sent me a virus called the
"Happy 1999 Virus." Thank you so much, bro! Fortunately,
I have sumthin like a virus-protector, so that everything is OK
with my PC.
Another interesting aspect is his email address: jack@insecure.de!
I never received a more unfunky email like that, but it has also
a positive effect: for me it was the final evidence that our famous
ghost is alive! This person who calls himself Jack is just a defenseless
tool of the UNFUNK. Let's have a look at the methods of the UNFUNK
in this case. First of all the selection of the name, Jack. As
we all know, Jack is a central word in the history of house music
("In the beginning there was Jack..."). So the UNFUNK wanted to
entice me with the idealistic expression "Jack" to make me believe
that this person has to be tru.
The next gambit was the offering of some hard to find records.
It seems that he thought I would pay a world for a record, but
as a matter of fact, I know that I receive the right records at
the right time. But then the UNFUNK made his usual mistake, he
showed his handwriting by leaving his signature in the email address:
jack@insecure(!).de. And as an irony of fate the virus is called
"Happy 1999"! Summing up the methods of the UNFUNK we can find
above all: enticement. Enticement with money, idealistic expressions
and hypocritical appearance. A lot of pure idealists fell into
those traps in the past. Then they found themselves in a music
business where almost everything sucks. They are caught in a structure
similar to a spider web without knowing that they got caught.
And the director behind this web is the UNFUNK. He is like a spider
which sends out sweet smells and promises of a better life with
a lot of money and other pleasures. But finally all the victims
are sticking on the floating cobwebs, and it is just a matter
of time until they will be devoured. Afterwards, there are just
soulless robots left or, in other words, soldiers in the army
of the UNLORD.
Idealism is good and very important, it is the basis of life
so to speak, but it is not enuff. You have to be idealistic AND
realistic. To be realistic means to see what is and to see what
is behind the scenery. To be realistic means to see that the current
status of the world is NOT ultimate as many "self-nominated realists"
think. There is always a chance to change things into the right
direction. You just have to be 100% yourself. Those self-nominated
realists maintain that they have no other possibility than to
give in to the recent system. But this system is bad, so the only
way is to deny it or, in other words: SAY NO TO THE UNFUNK! To
be realistic also means to see what is good and what is not. It
means to USE your intelligence, because intelligence originates
in the Latin word inter-legere and signifies the ability of distinction,
the distinction between two things: good and bad or senseful and
senseless, that is real intelligence.
One often used argument from the Unfunk's side, e.g. when I told
somebody that a Tom Novy or a Dani König record is bad, was
that everything is a matter of taste and I'm a rather overbearing
person to say something like this. But that's only half the truth.
I'm so overbearing to claim that everything is a matter of good
OR bad taste. There are only two types of taste, good and bad,
and for a person with a bad taste a Tom Novy record is good and
vice versa, so simple is that! Sorry, Tom, nothing against you
personally.
Coming back to the UNFUNK's most usual mistake: he leaves his
signature. Of course, you have to identify the UNFUNK when he
offers you something. You must know if it is the UNFUNK or not.
At first sight it seems to be rather difficult, but finally it's
not difficult at all. The UNFUNK appears in a very mighty costume,
often in a sanctimonios dress. This glamorous "outfit" was chosen
out of the one and only reason, to turn off your attention from
his handwriting. And this is the point which makes it much more
simple to react sensefully. The UNFUNK always leaves his signature.
He is just a fabulous hiding artist, like a magician who enchants
his audience with the same simple and massive tricks. The only
difference is that this is black magic. But his signature is not
hidden at all, you just have to keep your eyes open and you will
find it. You won't believe how obvious it is to recognize. And
then you are best-prepared to say no, because you realize that
you don't need anything from the UNFUNK.
In another response I obtained from Housemaja out of Bavaria
I was told that in her area Tom Novy is also called Tom Asi. In
Germany Asi is a familiar quotation for people who don't behave
in a social fashion. And furthermore, I got a letter to the editor
from M. Keen out of the UK, regarding Farley Jackmaster UNFUNK.
He wrote:
"Farley Jackmaster FUCK! He played in Portsmouth, England, too
recently, same trancy funkless set (... and the dumb thing is,
the crowd didn't appreciate it either, everybody stopped dancing
and were just starring at him. He looked suitable ashamed...)."
As I see, I am not alone with my opinion. The number of like-minded
persons seem to be bigger than I thought and that's good! (Thank
y'all for all the support!) One more example for the hypocritical
occurrence of the UNFUNK was this year's 'Love Parade' in Berlin.
In his concluding speech, Dr. Motte said something about loving
each other, music is the key and if the politicians would have
more groove everything would be much easier for real music lovers
(you know, he had some problems with them about the organization
and so on). And afterwards, Marusha played!!! About the sounds
played on the whole parade I can only say: "Unmusic Is The Key"
would have been a much better title! And do you know who was the
reporter of the live broadcast on Viva-TV? Heh? Yes, exactly.
Who else should it be?
Apropos crap, this month I will just list the worst of the worst.
No comments.
Unmusic of the month:
- Tom Novy - When I Rock (Kosmo)
- The 3 Jays - Feeling It To (Roadrunner)
- Earth, Wind & Fire - September (Phatts & Small Remix) (Sony)
- Phatts & Small - Does It Feel Good To You (?)
- Rotess - Electrica Salsa (Mateo & Matos Remix) (Mercury)
- Edesio vs Boris Dlugosch - Plem Plem (Stella Music)
- Kamasutra - Where Is The Love (Kontor)
- Bob Marley vs. Funkstar Deluxe - Sun Is Shining (Clubtools)
- Eclipse - Makes Me Love You (Roadrunner/Azuli)
- Roger S - I Never Knew (Incredible)
OK, let's have a look at some good tunes now:
1. V.A. - Off Limits Sampler (Sonar Kollektiv/Recreation)
One of my most searched records has finally be licensed again.
It is Basil Hardhouse - Hard For The DJ, the fingersnipping spoken
word classic from Nu Groove Records (1991), an early Nu Funk monster.
Big shouts out to Dixon from Berlin who compiled this sampler!
Besides that there are two more tracks to find here, as well a
cool Jazzanova tune. Get it!
2. Common Nature - Can't You See The Sunshine?
(Guidance 060)
Guidance is getting better and better again and gives us one of
the anthems of this summer. Mandel Turner who we know from Playin'
4 The City lets out such a warm vocal groove that nobody can resist.
For me personally, Mandel Turner is the vocalist of the year so
far.
3. Frankmann - Der Elfte Tag (fm 04)
And now I want to draw your attention to an upcoming artist from
Leipzig/East Germany. He already published a cool deep house tune
called "Unterzucker" and moves on with "Der Elfte Tag." I
do not own many German house records, but this one should belong
in every DJ-case. Cool deep organ disco flavored building track
with a nice xylophone melody.
4. Eleganz Retwisted (Eleganz 05)
And another release from Germany. A five track mini-sampler with
five different styles, jazz, electro, techno, drum'n'bass and
house. Of course it's the house track I'm interested in and this
one is a winner. It's called Cubistic Pop Manifesto - Morgenmilch
(Halbfett Mix) and is produced by Ingo Sänger and Olaf Gersmeier
out of Dortmund. Very deep with a cool, relaxed vocal sample,
the track produces an atmosphere which reminds me of a "sea breeze
situation."
5. Calico - The Basic Funk EP (Deep Touch
103)
Our friend from Sweden with his first 4-tracker on Deep Touch
Records. All tracks are funky, my personal highlight is "Motiv
8" which is quietly kicking, not in that obtrusive way a lot of
"funky house" tracks do. Here you can relax while you are dancing
but you can't stand still. Buy it and watch out for the Aaron-Carl
remix.
Finally, the dates from Robespierre Bochum:
18.9. Jazzanova
25.9. Steffen Irlinger
2.10. Markus Worgull
9.10. Yannick
16.10. Ramin
23.10. Steffen Irlinger
30.10. Dixon
OK folks, that's all 4 this month. Don't call it house if it
ain't and take care of the UNFUNK!!!
Stefan
Urankar aka 'Der Funksurm'
September 1999
My Favorite Links
Shoutz & Thanx
Finally, I want to thank all the important people of my life
who helped me to reach my current status and give shouts to all
house people who gave me spiritual kicks with their productions
and DJ-sets:
God, my mother Gisela, her husband Uli, my grandparents, my grand
aunts Irmgard & Maria, Marco Henneke (R.I.P.), Deppe-Wortmann,
Christine Langkammer, Frank Möbius, Tim & Tobias Zeppenfeld
(The Zeppo Brothers), Jeremy Viper, Robert Schipke (Der Funkrob!)
& Melanie Böger (BASSics Magazine), my MC Mr. Golden Duru,
Oliver Noeske (aka Opa Nyce), Frederic Weking (aka DJ Brooke),
Nils Habetz, Leonard Nima (aka DJ Crope), Denis Tielker, Guido
from Subtown Records (aka Mr Twister), Martin Horst (Subtown Records),
Seb (Subtown Records), Marius Grotzky and the rest of the Subtown-crew,
Kiki, Navina, Diana M., Tobias Koth, Steffen Irlinger, Frank Strömer,
my man Mr. Aaron-Carl, my new family "The DJ Consortium Of The
New World" especially Marcel Schooler and DJ MG, Thief Denis,
Marshall Jefferson, Larry Heard, Chuck Roberts, Tyree Cooper,
Kool Rock Steady (R.I.P.), Fast Eddie, Mike Dunn, DJ Sneak, DJ
Pierre, Sven Väth, Joe Smooth, Frankie Knuckles, Joey Negro,
KerrI Chandler, Kings Of Tomorrow, Kenny Dixon jr., Theo Parrish,
Rick Wade, Terence Parker, Lil Louis, MAW, Mateo & Matos, Eddie
Amador, St.Germain, Roy Davis jr., Byron Stingily, Kenny Bobien,
Sagat, Basil Hardhouse, Basement Boys, Cevin Fisher, Funky People,
Tee Alford, Blaze, Ce Ce Rogers, Theo Gerideau, CZR, Glenn Underground,
Bah Samba, Paul Johnson, Cajmere, Chez Damier, Romanthony, Adeva,
Kym Mazelle, Mood II Swing, Roger S, Rich Lee, Blake Baxter, Curtis
Mayfield, Roy Ayers, Jask, Norma Jean Bell, Christian L., Carl
Brown, Stevie Wonder, Frau Döner (The girl formerly known
as D-Girl - Der Döner ist gegessen!), Kalle Buchmich, Kain
Linder, Frau Supa, Frau Schmidt, Schmutz T., Katrin Maibaum, Seargent
Sobczyk, Christian Riepenhoff, DJ Welli, Rüdiger Kedziora,
DMC Quincy, Frau Wichert, Josef Kirschner, Kurt Harman, Anthony
Nicholson, Ron Trent, Joe Claussell, Jerome Sydenham, Jeff K,
DJ Deep, Playin' 4 The City, Frankie Feliciano, Mandel Turner,
M. Keen, Housemaja, Ingo Sänger, Armin Risi, Thorsten Paul,
Manuela Schüer, Mr. Funky Vogelfutter, Dennis Ferrer, Victor
Davies, Sven & Nico, Marc Keller ("ich brech'zusammen!"), Andru
Howmountain, Shazz and all the others whom I might have forgotten...
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